I’m Jestine, your co-host on the Rebel Girls Growing Up Powerful series. And I’m here with Aline Topjian, a social emotional learning consultant, school counselor, special educator and all-around fantabulous person. Hi Aline! Can you introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about what you do?

ALINE : Hi, my name is Aline Topian. I’m an educator, social emotional learning consultant and curriculum designer, which basically means I get to work with kids and their grownups to help teach them the skills they need to navigate the ups and downs of life. Um, I also work with companies like Rebel Girls to design or create products in a way that em, it empowers kids with social-emotional skills. 

JESTINE: Okay, what exactly is a social emotional learning and why is it important?

ALINE: Ooh, that’s a good question. Um, social-emotional learning is the process of learning all the skills that are gonna help you navigate life in the 21st century. So it, all these skills are gonna help you manage the ups and downs of growing up. And later on being a grownup, for example, um, it’s skills like having and practicing self-control when you get angry instead of just lashing out at someone, just learning how to take a few minutes to cool off and then express how you feel and then try to solve the problem. Um, or for example, um, thinking about the consequences of an action and how that action is gonna affect you and the people around you. And then taking that information to make a responsible decision. Basic, basically it’s all the skills that are gonna help you understand and manage yourself, make responsible decisions, um, have healthy relationships with your friends and your family, and solve problems responsibly. You’re gonna need all of these skills at school, at home, with your friends later on in your job. Uh, if you choose to have a family of your own or have kids of your own with them, uh, you’re just gonna need them to go through life. 

So without all of these skills, life is gonna be very hard and sometimes even lonely.

JESTINE: Yes, yes. And can I ask you a personal question? Do you ever feel stressed? 

ALINE: Oh, of course. Everyone gets stressed. Mm. That’s kind of part of normal life. In fact, there’s positive and negative stress. And sometimes when we have happy things, um, or things that bring us joy and we have a lot of it, even that can be stressful. Um, and different people use different strategies or activities to cope with that stress. So what works for me might not necessarily work for you, but some of the things that I find helpful are, um, going on walks and listening to my favorite music or podcast. Uh, singing sometimes and making things with my hands. And that could be a creative project. Sometimes I make clay jewelry, um, or baking or cooking. That helps too. 

JESTINE: Ooh I love that. Okay, but maybe for those of us who aren’t as crafty, what are some of your favorite tools for calming down…?

ALINE: Oh, I think the biggest thing would be, uh, some deep breathing. Just taking a few minutes. Uh, and this works for everybody. It’s research based and it helps our brains calm down. It just takes our brain from a survival state to a calmer state. And when we’re at a calmer state, it just helps our brain think more clearly, be more productive, and just manage our time more efficiently. Another thing that’s very helpful is prioritizing. And the way you can do this is just making a list of all the things that you need to do and then just pick the top three things that you can start with. And one final tip I think I would recommend is taking breaks. And that could be a snack break to eat something you love or just a movement break, like going for a walk or doing some stretching activities. And something that really, really works for me is just water breaks, just getting a sip of water.

JESTINE: Yes! Breaks. So smart. And I forget to do that all the time. Do you know why something like taking a sip of water can help our brains? 

ALINE: I think because those things just help our body get to a calm, calmer state. Um, whether it’s movement or water or just breathing or even eating sometimes um, it gets our body into a calmer state. And then it also kind of disconnects our mind from all the things that we’re worried about. Cuz when we’re overwhelmed, our brain is thinking of a hundred things, right? And then we can’t really focus on one thing and that just makes us anxious and it makes us feel overwhelmed. So when you focus on one of these things, um, so it really helps us shift the focus from all the things that we’re worried about to the breath we’re taking, or the sip of water that we’re drinking, or the yummy chocolate that we’re eating. 

JESTINE: Okay, chocolate, CHECK. What about, sometimes I feel like people around me are stressed and their stress rubs off on me. Is there anything I can do to keep my cool?

ALINE: It can be very upsetting and stressful to have people around you, um, that are stressed. And these people could be your friends or sometimes even your grownups. Um, the most important thing to remember is try to stay calm. And like we mentioned before, deep breathing really helps with this because it helps your brain and then helps your body calm down. Another thing is remembering to stay positive. For example, sometimes your friends might be stressed about an upcoming test. Um, just reminding yourself and asking some questions, um, along the lines of, did you study for this test? Do you have reason to believe that you won’t do well? Uh, are you all prepared for this test? If so, then you really don’t have a reason to get stressed with your friends, right? So thinking about these things really helps us stay positive. Um, another helpful thing is sometimes when people are stressed, they need someone to listen to them actively and just like provide support or show a little empathy. 

So sometimes a little kind action goes a long way. It helps them with their stress, which in turn also doesn’t get you stressed. Um, and one final thing I really wanna stress is sometimes the people around us, they might be stressed. 

One final thing I really wanna stress is that sometimes, um, it’s okay to take a break and just step away from the situation. Uh, and this could be, for example, your grownups arguing or, uh, feeling stressed about a situation. It’s okay to remove yourself physically from that, um, situation to make sure you don’t get stressed. And that could look like just going into your room and playing your favorite music or reading your favorite book. 

JESTINE: Ah, yes. I have to remember to take breaks. Okay, what are some other healthy habits I can work on to just keep me feeling calmer in general?

ALINE: So when I think of healthy habits or feeling in control, I just think of feeling happy and healthy. Right? The happier and healthier you are, the more in control you’re gonna feel. And when I think of these things, three things come to mind, mind, body, and community. And all of these are connected. So the most important things to remember is just the focus on the things that you have control over. I think a lot of times we just worry about things we can’t control. But if we focus on the things that we can control, that’s gonna make us feel like we have control in our lives and it’s gonna help us, uh, feel happy and healthy. And some habits that you can practice to get there is making sure that you’re taking care of your body physically by eating healthier. And that includes like, eating lots of vegetables and fruits, um, drinking water, moving your body in a way that feels good. 

Uh, for some people that’s sports. For others it’s yoga or dancing. You can even be just jumping on a trampoline if that makes you feel good, right? And just making sure that you’re getting enough sleep. Um, it’s also important to remember to take care of your mind. Um, and you can do that by taking time to just really stress, uh, by doing things that you love, that bring you joy, that make you happy and learning new things. And another important way is just to give back to your community. Um, I think sometimes we forget this, um, but this is something that really, really makes us feel good about ourselves, uh, and makes us feel good, um, about our life, right? And this could be you volunteering at a dog shelter if you really like dogs or maybe if you believe in a cause, uh, starting a club at your school, um, to raise awareness for that cause. Or just starting a veggie garden. Um, it could be anything you can really think of just to give back to your community. 

JESTINE: That’s such great advice. Thank you so much, Aline!!

ALINE: thank you. It was a lot of fun.

This episode was narrated by ME! Imani Parks as Jestine, with special guest Aline Topjian. It was produced and directed by Haley Dapkus, with Joy Smith and Deborah Goldstein. Sound design and mixing by Mumble Media. It was written by and edited by Abby Sher. Our executive producers are Jes Wolfe and Joy Smith.

Original theme music was composed and performed by Elettra Bargiacchi.

A special thanks to the whole Rebel Girls team, who make this podcast possible!

Until next time, staaaay rebel!

If you like what you heard here and want to learn more, check out the newest book from Rebel Girls! Growing Up Powerful: A Guide to keeping confident when your body is changing, your mind is racing, and the world is…complicated. With stories from rebels all over the world and guidance from some brilliant experts, this book is our newest bff. Order your copy of Growing up Powerful today on Amazon or anywhere you purchase books!